Dear Angela-la,
Well, the funeral went as well as could be expected. The family were all there - and I seriously think that it is the last time I will be seeing some of them. I managed to bite my tongue even when my Cousin refused to kiss anyone because she was so delicate after her eye operation. My Dad was treated like a leper - but everyone was supportive of Mum, who was a complete vegetable. I managed to do my reading and was very proud of myself. I said a few personal words and read WH Auden 'Stop all the clocks'. It was really a very good send off for a wonderful man.
Life is slowly getting back to normal now, the usual routine prevails. My work have been very supportive of the time I needed off - well I thought they had. My line manager has been fantastic, but her line manager has reprimanded her for being too generous. Not good. Hey ho, whats done is done.
I'm off to watch the Simpsons Movie tonight.
Today my thoughts are mainly with people getting all biblical and building arks in preparation for the unseasonal weather.
Mx
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Friday, 13 July 2007
Waking the Dead
Dear Angela-la
I went to the Chapel of Rest last night to see Granddad. The Funeral Directors we are using are old family friends, which is nice. I don't know why I needed to see Granddad this way, but I think it has to do with putting things back into perspective, making sure he was at peace, and, well, just seeing a dead body for the first time. I read a lot and read about death, how it affects these fictional characters all the time - but I have not had to deal with a lot of death myself (fortunately). So, Mum, Dad, Diane and Me piled into the car to give Granddad his final visit before the funeral. Mum took him a rose, I took with me a CD of music I would like played at the Crem. Dad waited outside with the Funeral Director. I have to say I lasted about 30 seconds before I had to remove myself from the room. Granddad looked at peace - like he had died easy. He looked smart in the outfit I had chosen for him. But he didn't look like my Granddad. He looked like used baggage that had been throw out; an empty shell. Granddad is really gone. His mouth was slack and I could see he was in makeup, and there was a certain smell in the room... anyway, I left - quickly. I had a bloody good cry - a proper sob in fact. Then we dropped Di home, and went for a good meal and had too much to drink.
Know what,
I feel much better now. I slept better, my headache is gone and I am looking forward to a lovely weekend away with LP.
It was an experience that I will never ever repeat again, but I am glad that I went. I dont think I will ever be able to shake the image of Granddad lying there, but it hasnt diminished the wonderful memories that I have of this great man who I loved dearly.
Mx
I went to the Chapel of Rest last night to see Granddad. The Funeral Directors we are using are old family friends, which is nice. I don't know why I needed to see Granddad this way, but I think it has to do with putting things back into perspective, making sure he was at peace, and, well, just seeing a dead body for the first time. I read a lot and read about death, how it affects these fictional characters all the time - but I have not had to deal with a lot of death myself (fortunately). So, Mum, Dad, Diane and Me piled into the car to give Granddad his final visit before the funeral. Mum took him a rose, I took with me a CD of music I would like played at the Crem. Dad waited outside with the Funeral Director. I have to say I lasted about 30 seconds before I had to remove myself from the room. Granddad looked at peace - like he had died easy. He looked smart in the outfit I had chosen for him. But he didn't look like my Granddad. He looked like used baggage that had been throw out; an empty shell. Granddad is really gone. His mouth was slack and I could see he was in makeup, and there was a certain smell in the room... anyway, I left - quickly. I had a bloody good cry - a proper sob in fact. Then we dropped Di home, and went for a good meal and had too much to drink.
Know what,
I feel much better now. I slept better, my headache is gone and I am looking forward to a lovely weekend away with LP.
It was an experience that I will never ever repeat again, but I am glad that I went. I dont think I will ever be able to shake the image of Granddad lying there, but it hasnt diminished the wonderful memories that I have of this great man who I loved dearly.
Mx
Tuesday, 10 July 2007
Dear Angela-la
The end of an era.
At 1.50 am last Tuesday morning Granddad finally gave up and shuffled off this mortal coil. To say I am devastated would be an understatement. I keep thinking of that poem used in Four Weddings - 'Stop all the clocks' the end says he was my north, south east and west and nothing now can ever come to any good. That is how I feel. Do you think it would be too tacky to read the poem at his funeral?
My Mum is nearing a nervous breakdown - Joan her older sister, and Vanessa her youngest daughter are doing their utmost to be malicious and cruel at a time when we should be supporting each other. I'm not quite sure how I am going to manage to get through 17th (day of the funeral) without killing someone! The funeral was supposed to be 12th July, but it had to be moved so that Vanessa could have cosmetic laser surgery on her eyes - she didnt try and cancel the appointment just demanded that the funeral be moved to suit her. And we get accused of being unreasonable because we refused!! Well, it got moved to 17th now and the vitrioloic e-mails are being flung back and forth. After Tuesday my mother doesnt have a sister, and I dont have an aunt.
As if this time werent already sad enough.
Mx
The end of an era.
At 1.50 am last Tuesday morning Granddad finally gave up and shuffled off this mortal coil. To say I am devastated would be an understatement. I keep thinking of that poem used in Four Weddings - 'Stop all the clocks' the end says he was my north, south east and west and nothing now can ever come to any good. That is how I feel. Do you think it would be too tacky to read the poem at his funeral?
My Mum is nearing a nervous breakdown - Joan her older sister, and Vanessa her youngest daughter are doing their utmost to be malicious and cruel at a time when we should be supporting each other. I'm not quite sure how I am going to manage to get through 17th (day of the funeral) without killing someone! The funeral was supposed to be 12th July, but it had to be moved so that Vanessa could have cosmetic laser surgery on her eyes - she didnt try and cancel the appointment just demanded that the funeral be moved to suit her. And we get accused of being unreasonable because we refused!! Well, it got moved to 17th now and the vitrioloic e-mails are being flung back and forth. After Tuesday my mother doesnt have a sister, and I dont have an aunt.
As if this time werent already sad enough.
Mx
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