Waking the Dead

Dear Angela-la

I went to the Chapel of Rest last night to see Granddad. The Funeral Directors we are using are old family friends, which is nice. I don't know why I needed to see Granddad this way, but I think it has to do with putting things back into perspective, making sure he was at peace, and, well, just seeing a dead body for the first time. I read a lot and read about death, how it affects these fictional characters all the time - but I have not had to deal with a lot of death myself (fortunately). So, Mum, Dad, Diane and Me piled into the car to give Granddad his final visit before the funeral. Mum took him a rose, I took with me a CD of music I would like played at the Crem. Dad waited outside with the Funeral Director. I have to say I lasted about 30 seconds before I had to remove myself from the room. Granddad looked at peace - like he had died easy. He looked smart in the outfit I had chosen for him. But he didn't look like my Granddad. He looked like used baggage that had been throw out; an empty shell. Granddad is really gone. His mouth was slack and I could see he was in makeup, and there was a certain smell in the room... anyway, I left - quickly. I had a bloody good cry - a proper sob in fact. Then we dropped Di home, and went for a good meal and had too much to drink.

Know what,

I feel much better now. I slept better, my headache is gone and I am looking forward to a lovely weekend away with LP.

It was an experience that I will never ever repeat again, but I am glad that I went. I dont think I will ever be able to shake the image of Granddad lying there, but it hasnt diminished the wonderful memories that I have of this great man who I loved dearly.

Mx