Holiday...celebrate...

Dear Angela-la!

Well, it sounds like your life has taken a well deserved turn for the better. I barely know you, but still am delighted that you have found a partner to care for you in the way you deserve - to make you feel that you are as special as you really are.

We are very lucky people.

Me and LP have that sort of relationship. We compliment each other; bring out the best in each other; and most of all we support each other. Both of us think that the other is the best thing in their lives. That's a pretty special partnership in my eyes.

Tomorrow we head off on holiday for a week. 7 nights in a caravan in Bangor. I cant wait. I have done caravan holidays before, LP hasn't so I am looking forward to introducing LP to the delights of the caravan holiday. Tonight we are going shopping for groceries, then we will pack and prepare for an early start in the morning. Fingers crossed for the weather please!!

I really feel that we all need this break so much. The last few months have been pretty horrendous emotionally. Mum and Dad are going away for 2 weeks when we come back, so we wont see each other for 3 weeks. I will miss them terribly but at the same time, I am aware that we all need the space to look after ourselves rather than each other for a change!!

Dad has got his job permanent, so at 62 he has been made redundant, and found a better, happier job within 6 months. I think that is really good going.

Mum and I went out with Granddad's warden and cleaner on Wednesday night. It was a really pleasant evening where we remembered Granddad, and Nan with laughter and smiles. I think it was a really useful healing exercise for Mum. She has recently started talking about Granddad again, which is good. She found a card from her last birthday (in January) and is now convinced, after reading the words, that he was aware that he was going to die this year. I think that is entirely possible. He was a very proud man who was very aware of the burden that Nan's illness placed on him and Mum and was determined that he was not going to become that sort of burden. And he wasnt. Mum just needs to stop feeling guilty about how relieved she is that he went peacfully and after a short illness. She does beat herself up sometimes!!

The new house is progressing well. All the surveys and searches are back fine, the mortgage is progressing well - we just need our vendors to get out now! All ideas on a postcard to...

I'm sure it will happen soon (just not soon enough!!)

I was told that I am too fat for life insurance! They want me to lose 5 stone before they will even consider me. I am going to write a stern letter of complaint to the company as it is discrimination! They didnt even bother to contact my doctor (who would tell them I am healthy and losing weight) or give me a medical themselves! Bloody rude. But the cover was not essential, so we are going without.

I refuse to worry about my weight while I'm on holiday!!

I supose I should go and do some work really.

See you when I get back. I'll send you a postcard.

Love Mx

Rubbish blogger

Well, it would appear that I have been neglecting my faithful old blog. How evil of me. I guess I have been leaving it alone because I felt I had nothing to say - I look at the fantastic posts on Andre's blog, and the wit and wisdom of FB's blog and feel like my life isn't really up to blogging. I have been doing a lot of celebrating too - now that my friend is cancer free. I found that episode really difficult to deal with and it has put my life back into perspective. Well it had anyway. I am a lot more laid back with things now, and I appreciate the true value of my family and friends. I however, find that I am hating myself and what I am doing to my body. I have stopped exercising - because I can't be bothered and at the same time have increased my intake of junk food, which is leading to the inevitable weight gain. I have put on 15lbs in the year since me and LP got together. I looked at my body last night and felt like a lump of lard - I felt so unattractive it was horrific. LP assures me that I look fine and sexy and I am loved regardless - but it doesn't really help. I know that no one can do anything about it except me - am just unsure how to get myself out of this self destructive cycle and do something about it. There doesn't seem to be time to exercise, nor is there room in the house to be leaping about doing dvd's. I don't want to stop eating out - LP and I enjoy our meals out and LP deserves to be treated well. I feel... I don't really know how to articulate what I feel. I guess you could call it the blues (isn't that an Elton John song?). I don't think that I am clinically depressed...yet. If I carry on the way I am going then I wil be, and I don't want to turn to drugs for assistance with my moods. Somehow that seems like admitting weakness. I know it isn't but thats the way it feels. Things are not being helped by the fact that my Grandfather is currently in hospital. He is a very old man, but still physically and mentally fit and able. Well he was, until he fell over on Wednesday and ended up in hospital. As he was getting better he tried to get out of bed unassisted on Saturday and fell over again in hospital connecting with the hospital bed behind him and giving himself a nasty cut. I think some of his illness is concussion, but he doesn't seem to be coming out of it - so the family is in dissaray at the moment. I am trying to be strong to support my Mother - but at the same time trying to deal with seeing this man I love very much reduced to a shadow of himself. The Nursing staff and the Consultant seem to be very good though which is a relief. I don't know what we'd do if he was in a rubbish care environment. The hospital he is in does not have a good reputation for care - but so far Grandfather seems to be recieving excellent care. Mother did have one run in with a Nurse, but she was from another ward and was curt and unhelpful while my Mother tried to deal with her father pissing himself! Talk about unfriendly! Grandfather seems to be eating well, which is a good sign. The doctors are very concerned about him though, and in his current condition there is no way he would be able to care for himself at home as he has been doing. I am off visiting him tonight which I am dreading. I hate hopsitals at the best of times, but seeing my Grandfather there apparently deteriorating not recouperating just breaks my heart, which, selfishly I could really do without at the moment. It doesm't help that I am not sleeping properly at the moment. It is better when LP is with me, but I just lie awake listening to LP's steady breating. At least with LP in my arms it enables me to relax some, but I am not getting proper rest. I feel like a complete zombie. I haven't told LP all this - in fact I haven't talked about it to anyone. I know that bottling things up will only cause me more problems in the long run, but I don't know who to turn to. I know all this stuff is petty and pathetic compared to other peoples problems, but I really don't know what to do for the best. I think the first step for me should be doing something physical. Maybe this will affect me on a number of levels - tire me out for sleep, help with my weight gain and release some natural happy chemicals into my brain. I just need to get myself motivated. And stop making excuses, and stop procrastinating.
Hmmm

Happy Easter

Hope you have a wonderful chocolate filled time.

Although I was at work today, my Easter break started anyway - LP and I had a lie in, not a long one but enough for me to feel lazy and relaxed and happy. Waking up pressed into all the curves on LP's body will do that to me every time, but with an extra 30 minutes to come round naturally it was even better. LP has the most fantastic body and we fit together, like we were made for each other in fact. The morning had none of the usual hustle and bustle, it was slow paced and filled with fun and laughter. The perfect start to the day.

Add that to the fact that today was a jeans at work day and I hardly felt like I was at work at all.

Ramblings

Hello neglected blog!

I am still well - I have even managed to shift a couple of pounds. The cold left me feeling unfit, lethargic and unhealthy. So I have been not eating crap and doing more walking. I have also been laying off the alcohol (unlike my fellow bloggers on their BNO - see FB for more details! It sounds like an excellent time was had by all!).

I did go to the Karaoke on Friday and managed to squawk my way through one number - LP had never seen me strut my stuff on a karaoke so after lubricating myself thoroughly I got up there and croaked my way through an old favourite. It was a good karaoke and a good night, but the establishment left a lot to be desired, and the music was VERY loud and any conversation was impossible. LP and I were sitting close together (as normal) and we had to yell at each other to find out what drinks we were having! That makes me sound very old, but I like to be able to chat with the people I'm out with!! Anyway - a good night was had, but I am not sure whether we will be going back there...

Saturday after LP finished work we went for a walk, fed the ducks, found a quiet pub with good food, ate well and walked home. How good are we!

Sunday was visiting family in London, but we fitted in a walk after lunch with more ducks and some of the clearest water I have seen for a long time - I was quite surprised given we were in London!

Aparently Monday was the happiest day of the year because no one had a Monday feeling due to the 2 short weeks. So, how you all had a good day.

The rest of my week has been pretty standard - the drive to work has been greatly enhanced by the fact the kids are off school so the yummy mummy's incapable of handling their vehicle are off the roads. My journey time has halved - so I have been getting into work early and leaving early. Bliss.

My Friend with Cancer is in for her exploratory op next Tuesday so I will be seeing her over the weekend sometime - I have indulged in a bit of spending and bought her an easter egg. Thought it might cheer her up a bit. Her partner is home for the next 3 weeks so that should be a big help. Bless her, she is worried about him seeing her at her least attractive after the op - I told her not to worry and she would still be as beautiful. She never believes me though!

Quick congratulations for FB who has had a bit of well deserved good news. She has been through some shit, but there is a bit of relief. Hope all continues to go well.

Quiet Night

Well,

The cold is pretty much better - but I am still strugging with my voice. I am off out to a karaoke tonight and about all I'll be able to manage is some Janice Joplin - my voice sounds nothing like me just some cross between something on a 0898 line and a croak. Very odd. So silence will indeed be golden tonight as I will not be able to regale the pub with my usual dulcet tones. How awful.

Other than that, things are good really. LP and I are getting along really well which is always a bonus. We are indulging in LP's hobby quite heavily at the moment, and I am being the helpful and dutiful partner going where ever is required and not moaning so that is helping keep things sweet.

Looking forward to a fun weekend - hope you are too.

I've dot a dit of a dold...

Don't get too close, I am unclean. I have the lurgie - feeling like rubbish! Actually, I am feeling better today. Thursday and Friday were the worst.

I still went out Friday. We (LP and I) were taking my friend of the last post - lets call her Bambi and her boyf to another friends house for beer, pizza and sympathy. I was feeling totally rubbish so decided to self medicate with JD, which seemed to do the trick and perk me up. It was a really good evening with Bambi free to chat about what ails her in good supportive intelligent company. Her man did not let her out of his gaze for a second, which is good to know. I am glad she is in good hands. She was a tower of strength and there were no tears or tantrums - just a chilled out night with plenty of laughs. Just what the doctor ordered all round I think. Bambi's appointment is on 10th April - I just hope and pray that it'll be good news; the cancer was in situ and is all gone now. Fingers crossed please.

This was a silent post as I still don't have much of a voice after the cold. Lucky LP eh?

Funny Friday

Happy comic relief people! I hope you are all sat there in your red noses doing something idiotic? I have put myself out for the cause and entered the sweepstake and eaten cake like it is going out of fashion - oh the sacrifice!

I have decided to go swimming tonight, it is time to get active again. For too long I have been resting on my laurels. Although LP does seem to like my wobbly bits, I am not so keen. I also need to do something about be feeling like a 'bloody great wuss' (thanks FB) following my fainting episode! Lol!

Out for a few beers tomorrow night (it is St Patricks after all) then for a meal with the woman whose fault it is on Sunday. Busy weekend!

World of pain, world of shame!

Well, what an eventful couple of days I have had. The weekend was good, spent plenty of time with LP and some quality time with Mother and some quality time all 4 of us together. With some retail therapy thrown in. Now, I wasn't looking forward to Monday - I had to drive to a hospital with 2 colleagues, watch a Colposcopy Clinic (with permission) and then visit the lab as part of the induction programme for my new job (that isn't so new anymore). Well, I managed to find the hospital easy enough, and I managed to park easy enough. The problem came in the Colp clinic. Surprisingly all of the women let me be present for their smear test which was weird - not that I have a problem with looking at a variety of fannys, it was just it looked so fucking painful! The women all seemed matter of fact and it was actually useful to see what the procedure actually involved. I then had to witness a loop excision of a CIN 3 cervix, which again was fascinating, but then I fainted. Yes, I fucking passed out in the clinic in front of a patient. How much of a Jesse did I feel? To make matters worse I had taken out a trolley on the way down, so I have spread surgical gizmo's all over and sprayed iodine all over a poor unsuspecting lady with legs akimbo and given myself a black eye (and damaged my elbow). Well, everyone saw the funny side and home we came. I managed to get myself home then go into shock. Fortunately LP was there to sort me out. I had yesterday off work (from pain and shame). I couldn't wipe my arse or get dressed properly! Am better today and have been in and taken the stick with good grace. I have decided that a career in medicine is not for me! I just hope the LP doesn't mind my black eye for the weekend!! I'll look just great in the photo's!! Lol!!

Ho hum

Good News

The London trip is organised, the hotel room is confirmed, annual leave from work is confirmed and National Express tickets are booked. We are going for 2 nights to central London departing 12noon coach on Friday and returning 5pm coach on Sunday. How much abuse can we give the credit cards in this space of time?? Woo! I wonder if the LP and I will make it without having a stupid and irrational argument? Doubtful!! Never mind - the hotel we (I) have booked looks very nice and has a pool and eveything! Not that the LP likes swimming - obviously! *sigh*

What lousy weather again - 2nd warmest February on record - so all it does is piss down with rain. I'd prefer the cold thank you very much! Even the snow the other Friday that ground the city to a halt was more fun and preferable to this grey dull shit we are currently experiencing! Fingers crossed for the London weekend please.

Bloody bosses

I have booked a room at a Hilton in London for me and LP for 3 nights in March when LP informs me that they might not have the time booked as the boss is being evil!! Argh!! The latest is that we definitely can have the Friday but I am unsure of the Monday. So much for a long weekend. Pah! 2 nights is better than 0 though right?

Doodle Analysis

Did you know that what you unconsciously write on random bits of paper while you are on the phone actually mean something and can be analysed in a similar way to your dreams? Cool huh?

Flowers are feminine, arrows aggressive and faces (if smiling) indicate a sunny disposition. So if we take that to be true I am an aggressive girl with a sunny disposition. Two out of three aint bad!!

go here http://drawsketch.about.com/cs/tipsandideas/a/doodle.htm for more! Legend!!

Did anyone else do that petition thing regarding the road tax yesterday - I did and it was surreal to find an e-mail from 10 Downing Street in my mail box this morning. At least we have expressed out opinions - whether it will be listened to is another matter!!

I think I am going to take LP to London for our next weekend away - I have a friend of a friend who can get cheap rooms at a Hilton - this should earn me some brownie points!! I like London and have never actually spent more than a day there so it would be fun to mooch about and spend a little longer there. I would actually really love to see a show but LP isn't into that at all - so it seems a bit of a waste of money. I was thinking of buying me and Mum a ticked for Mothers Day but that seemed a bit exclusive of the rest of the family so I'll do jewellry, flowers and a meal out with the rest of the gang.

Off to the flicks tonight to see Music & Lyrics - bit of a chick flick but I like Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant is relatively funny - it'll keep LP happy anyway - no blood and gore (sadly). Going for a piggy meal afterwards - I shouldn't I am trying to keep my body in check at the moment - the pounds are starting to creep back on again. I think I will be able to sort myself out once the weather starts getting better and I can get outside more. I'm just not motivated to exercise indoors. I agree with the LP that we should all hibernate over the winter - a much better solution.