Dear Angela-la,
Me and the LP went house viewing yesterday - on what would have been my Granddad's 93rd Birthday. We got the mortgage agreement in principle on Saturday, so these were the first 4 houses we had viewed - and guess what...
We have just had an offer accepted on the first one we saw. The house is perfect in every way, doesn't need decoration (it does need a new bathroom suite - but not immediately!).
I'm so excited!
Love M
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Funeral
Dear Angela-la,
Well, the funeral went as well as could be expected. The family were all there - and I seriously think that it is the last time I will be seeing some of them. I managed to bite my tongue even when my Cousin refused to kiss anyone because she was so delicate after her eye operation. My Dad was treated like a leper - but everyone was supportive of Mum, who was a complete vegetable. I managed to do my reading and was very proud of myself. I said a few personal words and read WH Auden 'Stop all the clocks'. It was really a very good send off for a wonderful man.
Life is slowly getting back to normal now, the usual routine prevails. My work have been very supportive of the time I needed off - well I thought they had. My line manager has been fantastic, but her line manager has reprimanded her for being too generous. Not good. Hey ho, whats done is done.
I'm off to watch the Simpsons Movie tonight.
Today my thoughts are mainly with people getting all biblical and building arks in preparation for the unseasonal weather.
Mx
Well, the funeral went as well as could be expected. The family were all there - and I seriously think that it is the last time I will be seeing some of them. I managed to bite my tongue even when my Cousin refused to kiss anyone because she was so delicate after her eye operation. My Dad was treated like a leper - but everyone was supportive of Mum, who was a complete vegetable. I managed to do my reading and was very proud of myself. I said a few personal words and read WH Auden 'Stop all the clocks'. It was really a very good send off for a wonderful man.
Life is slowly getting back to normal now, the usual routine prevails. My work have been very supportive of the time I needed off - well I thought they had. My line manager has been fantastic, but her line manager has reprimanded her for being too generous. Not good. Hey ho, whats done is done.
I'm off to watch the Simpsons Movie tonight.
Today my thoughts are mainly with people getting all biblical and building arks in preparation for the unseasonal weather.
Mx
Friday, 13 July 2007
Waking the Dead
Dear Angela-la
I went to the Chapel of Rest last night to see Granddad. The Funeral Directors we are using are old family friends, which is nice. I don't know why I needed to see Granddad this way, but I think it has to do with putting things back into perspective, making sure he was at peace, and, well, just seeing a dead body for the first time. I read a lot and read about death, how it affects these fictional characters all the time - but I have not had to deal with a lot of death myself (fortunately). So, Mum, Dad, Diane and Me piled into the car to give Granddad his final visit before the funeral. Mum took him a rose, I took with me a CD of music I would like played at the Crem. Dad waited outside with the Funeral Director. I have to say I lasted about 30 seconds before I had to remove myself from the room. Granddad looked at peace - like he had died easy. He looked smart in the outfit I had chosen for him. But he didn't look like my Granddad. He looked like used baggage that had been throw out; an empty shell. Granddad is really gone. His mouth was slack and I could see he was in makeup, and there was a certain smell in the room... anyway, I left - quickly. I had a bloody good cry - a proper sob in fact. Then we dropped Di home, and went for a good meal and had too much to drink.
Know what,
I feel much better now. I slept better, my headache is gone and I am looking forward to a lovely weekend away with LP.
It was an experience that I will never ever repeat again, but I am glad that I went. I dont think I will ever be able to shake the image of Granddad lying there, but it hasnt diminished the wonderful memories that I have of this great man who I loved dearly.
Mx
I went to the Chapel of Rest last night to see Granddad. The Funeral Directors we are using are old family friends, which is nice. I don't know why I needed to see Granddad this way, but I think it has to do with putting things back into perspective, making sure he was at peace, and, well, just seeing a dead body for the first time. I read a lot and read about death, how it affects these fictional characters all the time - but I have not had to deal with a lot of death myself (fortunately). So, Mum, Dad, Diane and Me piled into the car to give Granddad his final visit before the funeral. Mum took him a rose, I took with me a CD of music I would like played at the Crem. Dad waited outside with the Funeral Director. I have to say I lasted about 30 seconds before I had to remove myself from the room. Granddad looked at peace - like he had died easy. He looked smart in the outfit I had chosen for him. But he didn't look like my Granddad. He looked like used baggage that had been throw out; an empty shell. Granddad is really gone. His mouth was slack and I could see he was in makeup, and there was a certain smell in the room... anyway, I left - quickly. I had a bloody good cry - a proper sob in fact. Then we dropped Di home, and went for a good meal and had too much to drink.
Know what,
I feel much better now. I slept better, my headache is gone and I am looking forward to a lovely weekend away with LP.
It was an experience that I will never ever repeat again, but I am glad that I went. I dont think I will ever be able to shake the image of Granddad lying there, but it hasnt diminished the wonderful memories that I have of this great man who I loved dearly.
Mx
Tuesday, 10 July 2007
Dear Angela-la
The end of an era.
At 1.50 am last Tuesday morning Granddad finally gave up and shuffled off this mortal coil. To say I am devastated would be an understatement. I keep thinking of that poem used in Four Weddings - 'Stop all the clocks' the end says he was my north, south east and west and nothing now can ever come to any good. That is how I feel. Do you think it would be too tacky to read the poem at his funeral?
My Mum is nearing a nervous breakdown - Joan her older sister, and Vanessa her youngest daughter are doing their utmost to be malicious and cruel at a time when we should be supporting each other. I'm not quite sure how I am going to manage to get through 17th (day of the funeral) without killing someone! The funeral was supposed to be 12th July, but it had to be moved so that Vanessa could have cosmetic laser surgery on her eyes - she didnt try and cancel the appointment just demanded that the funeral be moved to suit her. And we get accused of being unreasonable because we refused!! Well, it got moved to 17th now and the vitrioloic e-mails are being flung back and forth. After Tuesday my mother doesnt have a sister, and I dont have an aunt.
As if this time werent already sad enough.
Mx
The end of an era.
At 1.50 am last Tuesday morning Granddad finally gave up and shuffled off this mortal coil. To say I am devastated would be an understatement. I keep thinking of that poem used in Four Weddings - 'Stop all the clocks' the end says he was my north, south east and west and nothing now can ever come to any good. That is how I feel. Do you think it would be too tacky to read the poem at his funeral?
My Mum is nearing a nervous breakdown - Joan her older sister, and Vanessa her youngest daughter are doing their utmost to be malicious and cruel at a time when we should be supporting each other. I'm not quite sure how I am going to manage to get through 17th (day of the funeral) without killing someone! The funeral was supposed to be 12th July, but it had to be moved so that Vanessa could have cosmetic laser surgery on her eyes - she didnt try and cancel the appointment just demanded that the funeral be moved to suit her. And we get accused of being unreasonable because we refused!! Well, it got moved to 17th now and the vitrioloic e-mails are being flung back and forth. After Tuesday my mother doesnt have a sister, and I dont have an aunt.
As if this time werent already sad enough.
Mx
Friday, 15 June 2007
Nothing changes...
Dear Angela-la-la,
I rather like the feeling that there aint nobody here but us chickens. In fact I like it so much I shall write like this blog is just for you. I could rename it 'Letters to La-la'.
How is life for you now? Hope things are better post trial. I have to say I read your post trial entry and I was so moved. I just wanted to wrap you in my arms and tell you how amazing you are. You have been so very brave, and strong, and I really admire you. You go girl! don't get to read your blog often - but enjoy every entry (ooh er)!
Granddad is no better. He is sleeping more and more. He is still very poorly, but looks comfortable. He is in a rehab unit closer to home and much much nicer than your average hospital.
Mum and Dad's car has broken down now (it never rains but it pours) so Dad has my car and I am left to the mercies of public transport (and cadging lifts of willing friends). The suspension went ping and left the body sitting on the tires! Oops!
Things are good for LP and I apart from that. I managed not to assult Aunty Joan when she came to visit. I was even civil! Quite proud of myself.
My weight is yo-yoing a bit - I can't seem to get into the swing of my life style change. I lost 3lbs last week, but stayed the same this week. At least I didn't put any on! I still need to get myself moving more. I'm a bit of a lazt troll at the moment!
Love M
I rather like the feeling that there aint nobody here but us chickens. In fact I like it so much I shall write like this blog is just for you. I could rename it 'Letters to La-la'.
How is life for you now? Hope things are better post trial. I have to say I read your post trial entry and I was so moved. I just wanted to wrap you in my arms and tell you how amazing you are. You have been so very brave, and strong, and I really admire you. You go girl! don't get to read your blog often - but enjoy every entry (ooh er)!
Granddad is no better. He is sleeping more and more. He is still very poorly, but looks comfortable. He is in a rehab unit closer to home and much much nicer than your average hospital.
Mum and Dad's car has broken down now (it never rains but it pours) so Dad has my car and I am left to the mercies of public transport (and cadging lifts of willing friends). The suspension went ping and left the body sitting on the tires! Oops!
Things are good for LP and I apart from that. I managed not to assult Aunty Joan when she came to visit. I was even civil! Quite proud of myself.
My weight is yo-yoing a bit - I can't seem to get into the swing of my life style change. I lost 3lbs last week, but stayed the same this week. At least I didn't put any on! I still need to get myself moving more. I'm a bit of a lazt troll at the moment!
Love M
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
Same shit different day
Quick update!
Hello again FB!
Granddad is no better. Aunty Joan is no better (in fact she gets worse).
LP has had food poisoning and passed it on to me. Typical! I wonder if I'll lose 7lbs overnight? I suppose every cloud has a silver lining?
My weight is yo-yoing, but with everything that is going on, I suppose that's to be expected. I have managed to get some more exercise in the last couple of weeks so I feel a bit healthier. I'd still like to do more.
Gotta run.
Hello again FB!
Granddad is no better. Aunty Joan is no better (in fact she gets worse).
LP has had food poisoning and passed it on to me. Typical! I wonder if I'll lose 7lbs overnight? I suppose every cloud has a silver lining?
My weight is yo-yoing, but with everything that is going on, I suppose that's to be expected. I have managed to get some more exercise in the last couple of weeks so I feel a bit healthier. I'd still like to do more.
Gotta run.
Friday, 25 May 2007
Life and the Universe, and stuff
LP and I have been together one whole year now, 12 months, 365 days. It's quite bizarre thinking about where the year has gone, and life before LP. Life BLP was not so fun - I went out more, got drunk more, had more money, but I wasn't happy. Not in a meaningful and fulfilled way that I am now. It's not just regular sex, there is some connection between us that makes me feel that life is complete now. I don't mean that cheesy shit that we are two halves of one whole, but somehow being with LP completes something within me - switches something on...
Cheesy huh?
Granddad is no better - he is slightly more coherent, but is making no attempt a movement, or focusing, or generally getting better. He has baffled the doctors, which I think means that there is no reason for him being so ill - he's shutting down and making no efford to get himself right. I think it is just a matter of time now before he dies. I guess he has earned the right to give up if he wants to - he's nearly 93 and all his friends and his wife are dead. Nan and Granddad were married for 60 years - I think that is an amazing feat, and they adored each other. Her death really knocked him for 6, but we (well Mum) perservered and ensured that he didn't give up then. Do you think there is such a thing as living too long? Mum's sister, Joan, is being a complete nightmare at the moment - she is not being supportive at all to Mum and in fact almost accusing her of ballsing things up - if she was that bothered she could come up, get her hands dirty and help rather than swan off on weekends away. Mum has been at the hospital every night for over 2 weeks - joan has swanned up twice, and then only tagging on to other people. Mum has been doing these e-mail newsletters to the family about Granddad's progress, which has elicited a lot of support from the cousins - but the responses joan comes out with are just amazing - the language she uses indicates no real feeling, it's like she is acting for effect. It gets me very very angry.
I think that's enough of a rant for now - sorry to take it out on you!
Cheesy huh?
Granddad is no better - he is slightly more coherent, but is making no attempt a movement, or focusing, or generally getting better. He has baffled the doctors, which I think means that there is no reason for him being so ill - he's shutting down and making no efford to get himself right. I think it is just a matter of time now before he dies. I guess he has earned the right to give up if he wants to - he's nearly 93 and all his friends and his wife are dead. Nan and Granddad were married for 60 years - I think that is an amazing feat, and they adored each other. Her death really knocked him for 6, but we (well Mum) perservered and ensured that he didn't give up then. Do you think there is such a thing as living too long? Mum's sister, Joan, is being a complete nightmare at the moment - she is not being supportive at all to Mum and in fact almost accusing her of ballsing things up - if she was that bothered she could come up, get her hands dirty and help rather than swan off on weekends away. Mum has been at the hospital every night for over 2 weeks - joan has swanned up twice, and then only tagging on to other people. Mum has been doing these e-mail newsletters to the family about Granddad's progress, which has elicited a lot of support from the cousins - but the responses joan comes out with are just amazing - the language she uses indicates no real feeling, it's like she is acting for effect. It gets me very very angry.
I think that's enough of a rant for now - sorry to take it out on you!
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