Grandfather Update

Good news, Grandfather is back with us - he has been off in cloud cuckoo land for the last week, but last night he snapped back to life. Pretty amazing really. He had us all a bit worried there.

On a personal note, I have decided to join a slimming group, I'm not sure which one yet, and do something about this weight that I'm gaining. If I can increase my exercise as well then I should be able to shift the weight fairly quickly and tone up at the same time? I'm sure LP will like the new me. I'm a bit nervous about joining a slimming group on my own, but when needs must eh?

Rubbish blogger

Well, it would appear that I have been neglecting my faithful old blog. How evil of me. I guess I have been leaving it alone because I felt I had nothing to say - I look at the fantastic posts on Andre's blog, and the wit and wisdom of FB's blog and feel like my life isn't really up to blogging. I have been doing a lot of celebrating too - now that my friend is cancer free. I found that episode really difficult to deal with and it has put my life back into perspective. Well it had anyway. I am a lot more laid back with things now, and I appreciate the true value of my family and friends. I however, find that I am hating myself and what I am doing to my body. I have stopped exercising - because I can't be bothered and at the same time have increased my intake of junk food, which is leading to the inevitable weight gain. I have put on 15lbs in the year since me and LP got together. I looked at my body last night and felt like a lump of lard - I felt so unattractive it was horrific. LP assures me that I look fine and sexy and I am loved regardless - but it doesn't really help. I know that no one can do anything about it except me - am just unsure how to get myself out of this self destructive cycle and do something about it. There doesn't seem to be time to exercise, nor is there room in the house to be leaping about doing dvd's. I don't want to stop eating out - LP and I enjoy our meals out and LP deserves to be treated well. I feel... I don't really know how to articulate what I feel. I guess you could call it the blues (isn't that an Elton John song?). I don't think that I am clinically depressed...yet. If I carry on the way I am going then I wil be, and I don't want to turn to drugs for assistance with my moods. Somehow that seems like admitting weakness. I know it isn't but thats the way it feels. Things are not being helped by the fact that my Grandfather is currently in hospital. He is a very old man, but still physically and mentally fit and able. Well he was, until he fell over on Wednesday and ended up in hospital. As he was getting better he tried to get out of bed unassisted on Saturday and fell over again in hospital connecting with the hospital bed behind him and giving himself a nasty cut. I think some of his illness is concussion, but he doesn't seem to be coming out of it - so the family is in dissaray at the moment. I am trying to be strong to support my Mother - but at the same time trying to deal with seeing this man I love very much reduced to a shadow of himself. The Nursing staff and the Consultant seem to be very good though which is a relief. I don't know what we'd do if he was in a rubbish care environment. The hospital he is in does not have a good reputation for care - but so far Grandfather seems to be recieving excellent care. Mother did have one run in with a Nurse, but she was from another ward and was curt and unhelpful while my Mother tried to deal with her father pissing himself! Talk about unfriendly! Grandfather seems to be eating well, which is a good sign. The doctors are very concerned about him though, and in his current condition there is no way he would be able to care for himself at home as he has been doing. I am off visiting him tonight which I am dreading. I hate hopsitals at the best of times, but seeing my Grandfather there apparently deteriorating not recouperating just breaks my heart, which, selfishly I could really do without at the moment. It doesm't help that I am not sleeping properly at the moment. It is better when LP is with me, but I just lie awake listening to LP's steady breating. At least with LP in my arms it enables me to relax some, but I am not getting proper rest. I feel like a complete zombie. I haven't told LP all this - in fact I haven't talked about it to anyone. I know that bottling things up will only cause me more problems in the long run, but I don't know who to turn to. I know all this stuff is petty and pathetic compared to other peoples problems, but I really don't know what to do for the best. I think the first step for me should be doing something physical. Maybe this will affect me on a number of levels - tire me out for sleep, help with my weight gain and release some natural happy chemicals into my brain. I just need to get myself motivated. And stop making excuses, and stop procrastinating.
Hmmm

Further update...

Friend is out of hospital - doing well and now cancer free. The results of her biopsies show that they got it all with the evil tumour.

Once she is off her pain killers, we are off for a LARGE night of celebration.

The relief that I feel is colossal. So, I'm sure that words cannot describe the elation of her mother, father and fiance.

Alls well that ends well?

Updates

I have finished Eat, Shoots & Leaves - a good read if you like the English Language. I have just started The Ode Less Travelled by Stephen Fry, so I may publish some of my exercises (oh yes, it is an interactive book!) here; as long as they are not too dire.

My friend has had her op, and made it through. It sounds like she had a pretty horrific time of it; the op was longer than the last one and more invasive. As well as the biopsies, they have removed her appendix and flushed round her bowel which involved removing it and putting it back! Eugh!! When I spoke to her Mum last night she was still pretty groggy (my friend, not her Mum) and a bit peeved that they have put a drain in - but coping well. She needs to be in for 5 days so I will be pootling off to see her on Saturday. I could go tomorrow, but feel it is better to wait and take LP with me. Just to save misunderstandings.

That's all for now folks.

Friendship

Well,
My friend goes under the knife, again, today. I can't help sitting here thinking about her; worrying about how she is getting on. I will call her folks later to see how the surgery went. She is being biopsied and investigated to see if the cancer has spread. I don't seem to be able to concentrate very much on work. Funny eh?

On a lighter note, I am reading Eats, Shoots & Leaves at the moment - what a good book! I have never been so aware of my punctuation. I feel the need to start a punctuation revolution. I'm one of those old-fasioned types who hates text speak and un-necessary abbreviation. So let's all embrace grammatically correct punctuation, and keep our English flowing.

Happy Easter

Hope you have a wonderful chocolate filled time.

Although I was at work today, my Easter break started anyway - LP and I had a lie in, not a long one but enough for me to feel lazy and relaxed and happy. Waking up pressed into all the curves on LP's body will do that to me every time, but with an extra 30 minutes to come round naturally it was even better. LP has the most fantastic body and we fit together, like we were made for each other in fact. The morning had none of the usual hustle and bustle, it was slow paced and filled with fun and laughter. The perfect start to the day.

Add that to the fact that today was a jeans at work day and I hardly felt like I was at work at all.

Ramblings

Hello neglected blog!

I am still well - I have even managed to shift a couple of pounds. The cold left me feeling unfit, lethargic and unhealthy. So I have been not eating crap and doing more walking. I have also been laying off the alcohol (unlike my fellow bloggers on their BNO - see FB for more details! It sounds like an excellent time was had by all!).

I did go to the Karaoke on Friday and managed to squawk my way through one number - LP had never seen me strut my stuff on a karaoke so after lubricating myself thoroughly I got up there and croaked my way through an old favourite. It was a good karaoke and a good night, but the establishment left a lot to be desired, and the music was VERY loud and any conversation was impossible. LP and I were sitting close together (as normal) and we had to yell at each other to find out what drinks we were having! That makes me sound very old, but I like to be able to chat with the people I'm out with!! Anyway - a good night was had, but I am not sure whether we will be going back there...

Saturday after LP finished work we went for a walk, fed the ducks, found a quiet pub with good food, ate well and walked home. How good are we!

Sunday was visiting family in London, but we fitted in a walk after lunch with more ducks and some of the clearest water I have seen for a long time - I was quite surprised given we were in London!

Aparently Monday was the happiest day of the year because no one had a Monday feeling due to the 2 short weeks. So, how you all had a good day.

The rest of my week has been pretty standard - the drive to work has been greatly enhanced by the fact the kids are off school so the yummy mummy's incapable of handling their vehicle are off the roads. My journey time has halved - so I have been getting into work early and leaving early. Bliss.

My Friend with Cancer is in for her exploratory op next Tuesday so I will be seeing her over the weekend sometime - I have indulged in a bit of spending and bought her an easter egg. Thought it might cheer her up a bit. Her partner is home for the next 3 weeks so that should be a big help. Bless her, she is worried about him seeing her at her least attractive after the op - I told her not to worry and she would still be as beautiful. She never believes me though!

Quick congratulations for FB who has had a bit of well deserved good news. She has been through some shit, but there is a bit of relief. Hope all continues to go well.